As I ventured to my home province of Ontario just over a week into the month to stand as a Maid of Honour in one of my best friend’s wedding, many things “clicked” as I arrived. I have never experienced so much clarity in my life. My friend (a therapist) agreed that the change was noticeable. It was as if a light switch went on. She remarked that over the course of our friendship, and especially the last decade, she has never seen me in such a low state. She noticed the shift when I landed. She experienced the shift and encouraged me to keep going. With her support, and with her forgiveness for being an absent friend, I realized many things this month.
I realized that I can get through all my health and mental health issues and come out stronger for doing so. I realized that as a giver, I need to learn to accept help. I realized it’s okay to actually ask for help. I realized it’s okay for me to voice my disappointment with close people in my life and that it doesn’t necessarily mean they haven’t cared about me. I realized that by putting others before myself all the time creates a cycle of where my needs are ignored and that’s exactly the opposite of what I want. I realized that I want someone to care.
I realized that I AM cared for, in fact, I have an overwhelming support circle and that I can call upon them for anything I need. I have learned now to call on them.
I realized that I’ve been scared to go after what I genuinely want. I realized that while I’ve accomplished so much, I still have so much more I want to do; so much more that I will do.
I realized that I miss my family; I want to be around my nieces and nephew more. I realized that I want to be part of their growth.
I realized I am ready to be a life partner, and have been ready for some time but have been too afraid to ask for what I know my heart desires.
I realized that I could be much much happier and that my health is extremely important. If I don’t take care of me, who will pick up the pieces later?
I realized that my 20’s felt like I was a child. I was learning and growing, and now that I’m in my 30’s, I actually feel like an adult. I finally feel like a woman.
I also realized that magic is real, that what will be will always find a way. I realized that I’ve spent years being scared and afraid of my own potential.
I realized that many people will never understand the battles I’ve faced so far in 2018. I realized that it is actually okay.
I finally realized that I have the power and patience to go after what I want, even if it’s something I’ve desired for over a decade. I realized that just like a magnet, people who are meant to be in my life will find their way to me. I realized that I need more than everything I’ve been settling for.
So, with so many realizations, what were the most noteworthy?
Songs on Repeat