This month brought some nice sunny weather and a large mix of emotions. Last month’s trend of feeling behind continued. When June began I felt like it was mid-May, and when it was mid-June, it felt like only the beginning of the month. So you can see why I am five days late in posting this monthly reflection. I mean, it’s not essential that I post by the end of the month but it’s usually what I do, and also what I prefer.
I can honestly say that I lagged in one huge area in terms of my body, mind, and soul this past month. I felt very empty yet so full of emotions at times, and my soul felt a little heavy and quite sad. In reflecting on the past thirty-some-odd days, it’s clear for me to see that I was focusing too much on other people and much less on myself. I am craving some quiet time. I am craving more rest for my soul, and as such, I don’t have much to say about my soul/spirit for June 2018. But here’s what thoughts pop up when I think about what I did to improve my mind and body:
I have been struggling. Really, really struggling. My mind has been both a friend and an enemy over the past few months and I realized that I needed to give up everything I possibly could in an attempt to think more clearly.
Near the end of June, I attended my last Social Media Breakfast Red Deer event as a planning committee member. While this volunteer position isn’t strenuous, I found myself not enjoying or putting much thought/energy into the tasks I used to enjoy. I loved my role, but it was clear to me what I had to give it up. I asked my committee if I could mention something about mental health to the event attendees as I said bye, and they were supportive. During the event, I made a very small speech about why I was giving up my position and admitted to a room of 50ish people that my mental health has not been good over the past 6+ months. It was a risky move in a way with my coworker and my company’s board chair in attendance, but it simply had to be done. I told the crowd that I consider myself to be a strong person but have been struggling. I urged anyone else who is struggling to seek help just as I did. And that was it. I quickly hopped off the stage and was greeted with applause and a flood of kind public and private messages online. I did not do this for attention. I simply had to share my experience with others in the hopes that it might help someone else.
Expressing myself publically like that felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my head. And while my heart still felt quite heavy, my mind felt a little better. I believe that we help others when we express our true selves. We never know how our words or actions might impact a person, and so I can only hope that others struggling just as I have will see that asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness.
I have been working on my posture for over the past year or so. I observed through photos and from the kind nudge of a dear friend that I was hunching over and had developed a small bump on the back of my neck. Being only 5 foot 2, I realized that I needed to fix this because in reality, I will only shrink over time and I do not want to live life any closer to the ground than I have to!
Last year I had 2-3 acupuncture sessions during physiotherapy and it greatly improved how I stand. While I’ve struggled the past while, I have tried my best to keep my shoulders back and head held high. When I said bye as a Social Media Breakfast Red Deer committee member at the monthly event, I noticed my posture in a couple of photos of me made their way to social media.
While I have been working on my posture and can stand with good posture at home, it was interesting to see a candid photo of myself. I suppose I revert back to a sluggish position when out in public? Or this could have simply been because I was discussing something quite personal in front of a small crowd when the photos were taken, and therefore comforted myself by turning my body inwards. I’m not sure. It’s all good though. I love myself. I do know my posture is an area I am continually working on.
Songs on Repeat