The past month was a strange one.
It started out with me thinking I was in control and boy was I mistaken. Any progress I made through self-care, reflections, meditations, and counselling was halted when the snow fell and stayed after it had melted. This happened twice over a few weeks. And I felt myself going backward instead of forwards. I tried my best to balance out social events and obligations with self-care and solitude.
The month started off quickly, became long in the middle, and then suddenly sped up at the end. I learned to give up control and dove into the flow of the longer days. Here’s what stuck out the most to me, body, mind, and soul-wise.
A friend of mine has been telling me to wear tighter clothing for years. She says that my boxy shirts don’t do much for my figure. And you know what? She is right. After trying on a variety of bridesmaid dresses earlier this month, I discovered I have curves. This may sound strange to be an adult and suddenly “discover” something about yourself, but it’s true.
Not being much of a fashion fan, I wear clothing that is usually comfortable, slightly loose on the top, and nothing too “fashionable.” I haven’t experimented much with my look or style in quite some time, so it really did feel like I discovered the shape of my body this month. And you know what? It was kind of cool.
When I realized I wasn’t in control this month, it was actually a little relieving. When you’re trying and trying, and nothing seems to be coming together, it’s best to sit back with patience, faith, and hope. The word that kept coming to me this month was, “acceptance.” I realized I must truly accept the ebbs and flow of my life if I want to learn, grow, and stay open for whatever is meant for me. Giving up control meant that I could relax mentally. I gave myself permission to stop worrying and focus on being in the present.
Yoga was the thing that probably benefited me the most this month. The quiet time on my mat helped me quiet my mind while strengthening my body. I left the class twice with tears in my eyes, and I was elated to have such a subtle yet powerful flow of emotions come over me. Yoga is something I’ve resisted for years because I have this overwhelming feeling that yoga will lead me to actually walk into being the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I’ve resisted being the best person I know I can be and it’s time to change all that. Yoga will continue to build my confidence and will allow me to see my inner strength as a positive tool and not be afraid of it.
I’m a yoga novice when both my siblings are yoga instructors, and that seems a little silly to me. I’ve practiced with both of them over the years and have completely supported both their journeys while holding back on my own experience. There is nothing more I would love than to practice more and more with my siblings, to connect with them on the mat, to support each other in our spiritual journeys, and to deepen our connection with each other. While I still feel quite new to yoga, I look forward to practicing with my brother this spring, and with my sister this summer when visits allow us to enjoy one another’s company. I also look forward to yoga further encouraging me to step into the best version of myself. I am no longer afraid. I am ready.
Music I was obsessed with
- No Roots – Alice Merton
- Monkey Tree – Mother Mother
- The Drugs – Mother Mother
- Get What You Give – Felix Cartal (I loved the original song back in the late 90’s and am SO happy there’s a new version of it out to dance along to)